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Turkish Humor II More comedy, jokes, funnies, grins and giggles... Related Pages: Traditional Turkish Humor I Politically Incorrect Turkish Humor 1 Politically Incorrect Turkish Humor 2 Temel's Revenge, if only... Karısı Temeli komşusu ile aldatıyormuş. Temel de şüpheleniyormuş. Bir gün karısına << İstanbul'a gidiyorum >> demiş ve evin çatısına çıkıp saklanmış. Daha sonra komşusu gelmiş karısıyla sevişmeye başlamışlar. Temel yukardan seyrederken bir taraftanda << Ulan, eğer İstanbul'da olmasaydim, ben size gösterirdim! >> demiş. Thanks PM (4/99)... Temel's wife is cheating on him with the man next door. And Temel is suspicious. One day, he tells his wife that he's going to Istanbul but, instead, he sneaks up to the roof of his house and hides himself. After a short while, the neighbor arrives and he and Temel's wife start making wild whoopee. And when Temel sees the deceivers with his own eyes he vows vengefully, "Ooooo, you...you...If only I wasn't in Istanbul, I'd show you a thing or two!" Temel in an avalanche of ifs... A Turkish celebrity joke From the long-running comedic short-feature called: Ünlülerden -- Duyulmamış Fikralar [Previously-unheard anecdotes -- from celebrities] This joke is from Neco, Turkish Pop singer and comedic actor... Please follow the translation along carefully, else you may be tripped-up by the numerous if-conditional phrases -- which you can identify by the -se/sa- suffixes. We counted 10 if-conditionals (5 each in Fadime's and Temel's statements) in the space of less than 50 words! Temel in an avalanche of ifs... - English translation - Temel and Fadime are newly married, and Fadime says: "Look Temel, if I gather up my hair completely, [it means] I don't desire [whoopee] that night. If I gather my hair up half-way, [it means] if 'it' happens that's OK and if 'it' doesn't happen that's [also] OK. But if my hair is completely scattered down, [it means] I definitely desire [whoopee]." Hearing this, Temel explains something about himself: "If I drink one glass of Rakı, I don't desire [whoopee], if I drink two glasses, it's OK if 'it' happens, and if 'it' doesn't [that's OK too]. [But] if I drink three glasses, I don't really care which way you wear your hair." [I don't look at the hair on your head.] Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi 14 January 2002 Temel's accent mix-up... A Turkish celebrity anecdote From the long-running comedic short-feature called: Ünlülerden -- Duyulmamış Fikralar [Previously-unheard anecdotes -- from celebrities] This anecdote is from Davut Güloğku, Turkish humorist... As you read the joke in Turkish above, keep in mind that the Turkish word, dönmeyiz, may have two distinct meanings. When it's pronounced DERN-meh-yihz [with a slight first-syllable accent], it can mean "we won't go back". When it's pronounced dern-meh-yihz [with no noticeable accent], it can mean "we're men, who've had a sex change". Temel's accent mix-up.. - figurative English translation - Temel and his friend Cemal picked up a couple of 'women' and took them home for some hanky panky. Just before they all jumped into bed, the 'women' made a disclosure: "We're actually men who've had a sex-change." But dim-witted Temel, confused about the accent, thought the 'women' had said: "We won't go back." So Temel replied: "Hah, that's no problem... This is our place. You can stay as long as you like..." Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi 26 October 2001 An Italian anecdote*, in Turkish... Many years ago, at an Italian border crossing into France, a border guard stopped an auto that had no license plates. "Where are you coming from?" asked the guard. A voice from inside the auto answered calmly, "From Tulin." "What's your license plate number?" asked the guard. "My car doesn't have a license plate, so... I wonder what can be its number?" came the reply. "Aha, so that's the way it is! What's your name?" "Victor!" "Surname?" "Emmanuel!" "What's your occupation?" "They say that I am King!" * An apocryphal story about the last-serving monarch of Italy, Victor Emmanuel III (b. 1869 -- d. 1947). Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi Pazar Eğlencesi by Erdoğan Tokmakçıoğlu 28 October 2001 An Australian Joke, in Turkish... An American from Texas traveled to Australia. There, during a visit to a farm, he asked the farm owner: "Say there fella', what are those animals over yonder?" The Australian (seeing that the American was pointing at some cows) said: "Cows..." Then the Texan pointed at some sheep grazing a little beyond, and asked: "OK, and what about those animals?" "They're sheep," [came the answer from the Australian.] A pained expression came to the American's face, and he shook his head from side to side, saying: "My my," he said, "What a pity! Because our Texas cows are at least 3 times bigger than these, and our sheep are 4 times bigger!" Just then while the Texan was speaking, a kangaroo hopped by a little further on -- and again the Texan asked: "OK then , m'friend, what's the name of that animal?" "Oh, that?" replied the Australian, "Why that's a grasshopper..." Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi Pazar Eğlencesi by Erdoğan Tokmakçıoğlu 30 September 2001 A British Joke, in Turkish... It was during the aerial bombing of Britain during WW II, in the days when the capital city London, especially, was being laid to waste. In those days, a woman who had to live in London sent a letter to her mother in Scotland that went like this: "Dear Mummy, German planes continue bombing London nearly every day, and a lot of people are either being killed or wounded during the bombing. Believe me, I'm very worried about my two children...So, I'm [now] sending the children to you until the bombing stops." Not even a week had passed when the woman received this telegram from her mother in Scotland: "Send the war planes to us STOP... I'm sending the children [back] to you STOP!.." Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi Pazar Eğlencesi by Erdoğan Tokmakçıoğlu 7 October 2001 An Irish Joke, in Turkish... An Irish grocer (as he was departing his grocery shop) emphatically exhorted his young apprentice: "My son, if my wife shows up, tell her to wait a little... I'll be back in 5 or 10 minutes." The apprentice [replied and] asked: "All right, sir, and if your wife doesn't show up, what shall I tell her then?" Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi Pazar Eğlencesi by Erdoğan Tokmakçıoğlu 14 October 2001 A Mexican Joke, in Turkish... Little Emiliano asked his mother: "Mama, I wonder...is my baby possible?" Naturally the astonished mother replied: "Such a thing is impossible ," she said, "and don't ever ask me such nonsensical questions again." Emiliano, who had heard well the things his mother had told him, went running to his little friend Julie -- and when he reached her side he said: "Didn't I tell you so, Julie...There's nothing to worry about." Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi Pazar Eğlencesi by Erdoğan Tokmakçıoğlu 25 November 2001 Another Turkish celebrity anecdote... This anecdote is from Sezen Aksu, Turkeys' most famous pop-music singer-songwriter... Man asked: God, why did you make women so beautiful? God replied: So that you might fall in love. Man asked: OK. But why are they so stupid sometimes? God replied: So that they might be able to fall in love with you... Thanks to Gözcü Gazetesi 16 October 2001 Related Pages: Traditional Turkish Humor I Politically Incorrect Turkish Humor 1 Politically Incorrect Turkish Humor 2 Language Learning Pages: Translating Turkish, the basics Translating Turkish, Looooong Turkish sentences About Translation Software Practical Participle Constructions Example of how humor helps you translate Turkish Also: Essential Turkish Vocabulary Turkish Pronunciation Turkish Verbs Essential Idioms, Index Sentence Structure, Standard Turkish Accenting Numbers in Turkish Other Turkish Language Difficulties Unrelated fun: Habibullah and The Great Cannon Caper A simple Turkish 'thing'... Turkish Belly Dancers Turkish Terms Of Endearment Turkish Personal Names Off-Color Turkish Turkish Movies Catalog, Letter-A Turkish Kinsey Report #1 - Turkey opens up about its seks Turkish Kinsey Report #2 - Did they hear it through the grapevine? Turkish Kinsey Report #3 - Was it good for you? Turkish Kinsey Report #4 - The first time, by age group... Turkish Kinsey Report #5 - Who's gotta have it? He? Or she?

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